De-Polarizing Ourselves

Depolarizing Ourselves, for the Sake of Our Country and Our Christian Witness

By Marlene Molewyk

Photo by Krzysztof Kowalik on Unsplash

Over the past few years, Pew Research, The Harris Poll, and many other pollsters have conducted numerous surveys that examine the way politics and political partisanship have impacted our society. Their findings quantify what many of us have experienced and know to be true. For example:

The political divide runs through the church today, to varying degrees:

                                                           Red/lean red           Blue/lean blue

All Protestants:                                             59                            38   

White evangelical Protestants:                       85                            14

White non-evangelical Protestants:               58                            39

Black Protestant:                                           11                            84

Hispanic Protestant:                                     49                            45

(Source: August 2023 Pew Research report)

To avoid talking about politics:

* 57% of Gen Xers/Baby Boomers avoid specific friends.

* 57% of Gen Xers/Baby Boomers avoid specific family members.

* 36% of Gen Zers/Millennials avoid specific friends.

* 34% of Gen Zers/Millennials avoid specific family members.

(Source: Nov. 2023 Harris Poll survey)

* 86% of 8,480 people surveyed agreed that "Republicans and Democrats are more focused on fighting each other than on solving problems.” (Source: Sept. 2023 Pew Research Report)

* 68% of 2,095 people surveyed agreed with the statement: “I wish I knew how to talk to people better on the other side of the political divide.” (Source: Nov. 2023 Harris Poll survey)

It's clear that we are a polarized nation of polarized people who frequently sling around insults or avoid conversations altogether, as opposed to engaging in the meaningful, nuanced conversations that we really want and need to have—conversations that represent God well and have the potential to solve problems and heal our broken world. Thus I believe that it's very important for all of us, and especially for Christians who profess to represent Jesus, to proactively think about the way we plan to communicate in the coming months, especially for those moments if and when we end up in political/theological conversations with people who have a different perspective than ours. The two questions that are crucial to think about in such conversations are:

·       Do we want to simply insist that we are right and demand that others listen to us?

·       Or do we want to initiate a respectful conversation that might perhaps heal a broken relationship, and perhaps persuade the other person to consider and possibly adopt some portion of our point of view?

If we’re shooting for the second outcome, then it’s extremely important that we avoid leading with the insults and accusations that have become so ingrained in American culture, and unfortunately, in much of Christian culture today. Because if you think about it, when was the last time someone called you a stupid socialist who doesn't care about the church and this country (for those who lean blue) or a stupid misogynist racist who doesn't care about the church and this country (for those who lean red), and then you responded with, "Oh wow, you are so right! Now I see the light, thanks for setting me straight!"

Conversations like this just doesn't happen, because the insults and polarized accusations shift our mental activity into what I call the caveman/cavewoman portion of our brain, which is responsible for fight or flight mode. In his book BrainChains, neuropsychologist Theo Compernolle explains that there is no morality, logic, introspection, or long-term thinking in our caveman/woman brain; instead, it is completely focused on survival, right now. Thus we are most likely to say and do harsh, irrational, and hurtful things that we later regret, when we operate out of this portion of our brain.

Unfortunately, our society has witnessed over-the-top caveman/cavewomen brain behavior playing out publicly for almost a decade now, and the impact is far greater than we might realize. Author and educator Caltha Crowe, quoting psychology professor Elizabeth Englander, explains that insults and putdowns function as gateway behaviors that lead to increasing levels of aggression. And quoting author Steve Wessler, Crowe describes exactly what this gateway behavior escalation looks like in a school setting: kids will often initially insult peers behind their backs at school, while looking around to see if anybody objects. If nobody does, the child initiating the insulting behavior, as well as “their classmates begin to insult them [the targeted children] to their face. When no one stops the direct insults, classmates begin to push and shove the child. When no one stops the pushing and shoving, the actions escalate into dangerous violence.” I submit that we have been watching this exact behavior happening over the past eight years on the gigantic adult playground that we call the internet and social media, and we are seeing increasing levels of the dangerous violence that results.

Our culture of insulting others contributes to our angry society, and so does the media we consume. A long time ago, in what feels like a galaxy far, far away, I worked as a broadcast journalist for an NBC affiliate, and on several occasions, I served as a substitute newscast producer when our regular producers were on vacation. There’s a dark saying in the news business that “If it bleeds, it leads." When you’re producing a newscast and you’ve got a choice between covering a triple murder vs. a nurse celebrating her 50th anniversary working in a cancer unit at the hospital, the murder will lead, because it’s shocking, there’s blood involved, it stirs up fear and anger, and in this day and age, this means more monetized clicks and viewers. Grandstanding politicians play into this dynamic as well. They deliberately make inflammatory, fear mongering accusations to create sensational news stories and video clips that get the clicks, that build their personal brand. And then they warn, "You need ME! I’m the one who can protect you from all of these horrific, fearful things that I've just described to you!"

But that’s just not true! The God we serve is more powerful than any politician on this earth, and he is sovereign over this upcoming election!

In a culture full of anger and strife, we Christians can choose to be peacemakers who love our neighbors as ourselves, even when they disagree with us politically, and we can contribute to lowering the emotional temperature in this country. How on earth can we do this, you might ask? Well, there's a great organization, Braver Angels, which advocates that in order to depolarize the country, each of us must practice "depolarizing ourselves."

Braver Angels, and other organizations like it (such as Unify America), provide excellent depolarization training, and they also set up and facilitate conversations between red and blue leaning strangers that are designed to get people talking and viewing each other as human beings again. Organizations like this point out that regardless of whether you’re red, blue, or purple, we all want good education for our children, safe schools and cities, and food and gasoline that costs less. That’s our common ground, and where we differ is on the tactics used to accomplish these goals. Tactics can be brainstormed and negotiated to some degree (though not always), but it requires conversation, and collaboration, and an understanding that polarized all-or-nothing-in-every-possible-way thinking is hurting everyone.

But the act of viewing others in a depolarized manner isn't easy—in fact, I struggle with it myself. Doing so requires that we first look into the eyes of fellow children of God in our lives, and instead of viewing them as our enemies, asking God to:

·      Please help us to see others as you do.

·      Please help us to share your love with them.

And in those moments when we fall short, we try again. Following is a brief and very powerful video that gets us headed in that direction, by showing us what it might look like if we could see people through God’s eyes. I implore you to watch it, because it is outstanding! And as you do, I encourage you to ask yourself: do the political views of the people in this video make a difference, or do they not?