The School of Adulting

By Mike Glenn

When I was fifteen years old, my father took me into the living room of our home. That was surprising because the living room was off limits to my brother and me. We only went into the living room on special occasions. As far as I knew, this was just a regular Sunday. I wasn’t aware of anything special going on. I soon found out.

Photo by David Trinks on Unsplash

This was the day my father would teach me to shake hands. According to my father, I was approaching the age where I would be meeting people and according to him, I had one chance to make a first impression. Stand up straight, he said. Extend your hand confidently, but not aggressively. Greet the person you are meeting and state your name slowly and clearly. When they tell you their name, repeat their name as you tell them how glad you are to meet them. Repeating their name will help you remember their name. Remembering people’s names, my father told me, is the coin you need to get things done in the world. We practiced shaking hands for about fifteen minutes.

Then, he brought my mother in. He then taught me how to shake hands with a woman. Mom would walk into the living room and dad told me to stand. Gentlemen stand, he said, anytime a lady walks into a room. You only shake a woman’s hand if she extends her hand first and the woman determines the pressure of the handshake. Whether or not the man does business with you, my dad told me, will be determined by what his wife says about you on their way home. Remember, I grew up in the seventies. A lot of what my father taught me would be considered “old school,” but until the day she died, my mother considered them to be good manners.

Some days, I miss the “old school.”

I thought about this the other day while I was reading an article about how Gen X and Gen Z were struggling during job interviews. A lot of hiring managers were complaining about how unprepared the younger generation of young applicants were. I thought to myself these young people should have been trained by my dad. They would have done better in the interview. My dad trained me about how to handle a job interview. I, in turn, trained my sons to prepare for their first job interviews (coat and tie required).

One of the hidden geniuses of a healthy church body is young people learn how to be adults from men and women who have figured out a lot of things about how to live a life that matters. Yes, Christianity talks a lot about eternity, but what a lot of people overlook is following Christ is the best way to live now. Living in the confidence of knowing we are loved by Christ, that our identity is secure in Him and we are free to invest our time and energy in those things that last is a powerful and joyful way to live.

At the end of 1 Corinthians 12, Paul tells the church he will teach them a better way. Priscilla and Aquilla take in Apollos and explain more deeply the ways of Christ. Throughout the story of the early church, mature believers would take younger believers under their wings and train them in Christ-like living. Life coaching isn’t anything new. The church has been doing this for generations. We have to recapture that movement now.

So many of our young friends have grown up in broken homes which means they don’t have positive role models of adults. They didn’t have a good dad. They didn’t have a good mother. The great thing about how the gospel works in local congregations is families are recreated. Children find parents and parents find children – all in the love of Christ.

Growing into a mature adult doesn’t come naturally. We don’t have to teach a child to grab. We have to train them to share. Babies know how to say “mine.” We have to teach them to say “ours.” Seasoned eyes know the difference between gold and stuff that glitters, between lasting joy and fleeting happiness. These lessons don’t have to be learned by wounds that leave scars. They can be shared in a conversation over coffee. You know, the way a mom or dad would teach a child.

Life is hard. All of us need guides and mentors to live and live well. The church should be the best place to find our extended families of grace. We should learn how to live the grace filled life by those who are living it in front of us.

This Sunday at church, introduce yourself to someone you would like to be your mentor. Find someone you would like to mentor. Stand up straight. Extend your hand confidently, but not aggressively. Say your name and then, repeat their name as you tell them how glad you are to meet them. Invite them to lunch or coffee and start the conversation.

Some of the best lessons of the faith aren’t learned in great sermons on Sunday morning. They are learned when someone who has been there shares their story with someone who is headed there. When, like Paul, we share a better way of living the grace filled life with Christ.

The church, when healthy and thriving, produces adults who do the same.