Church Hurt and The Devotion Problem (Kelly Edmiston)
By Kelly Edmiston
What Should We Do Now?
I spoke with a person last week who used to be a ministry leader at a church in town. He was no longer a part of a church, and when I asked him why, he told me a story that sounds a lot like the stories I hear almost every week. I have paraphrased it here (and left out details of course):
Photo by Robert Ruggiero on Unsplash
“Some people made really bad decisions. Then people responded poorly to those decisions. Then there were more decisions, more poor responses, and things got worse. Words were said, lines were drawn, and people chose sides. Rumors began to fly, gossip and more gossip, and even people who didn’t know about the original bad decisions repeated the rumors until it was impossible to determine what had even really happened.
Regular church programs continued but the life was drained out of them. Everything seemed fake, hollow, and performative. Everyone involved (which felt like most people) felt undervalued and betrayed by someone. Some people threatened to leave. Others did leave. The bad decisions became a total breakdown in the community and that breakdown had become a meltdown and the meltdown took on a life of its own.”
He sat across from me in my office and he said to me, “Kelly you can’t imagine what it’s like when this happens in your church family. I served at this church for 12 years. We had our kids here, the pastor married us, and he did my grandmother’s funeral. Our church family surrounded us when my wife lost her job and helped us financially. You have no idea how hard it is to leave a place that is family.”
And I said. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. And by the way, yes. I do know what that’s like.” (You can read my story here if you are interested. https://www.christianitytoday.com/scot-mcknight/2019/october/leaving-my-church-by-kelly-edmiston.html)
I hear stories like this nearly every week.
We are in a season in the life of the Church where “Church hurt” is a phrase we use as if it were a formal diagnosis. My therapist is trained in “dealing with spiritual abuse and spiritual trauma.” We have books written on it. (A Church Called Tov is an excellent resource that my current church has gone through!). We have seminars and entire movements devoted to creating safe places for people hurt by the Church.
And when we experience Church hurt, our whole faith can feel fractured. Many of us, upon leaving our church, we are left with a gaping hole in our lives. Some of us search out a new church community and some of us don’t.
But all of us will continue to long for community because all of us have the same deep and real need to belong.
Here is the connection that many of us might be a little uncomfortable with. Without devotion, belonging is impossible.
Devotion is a prerequisite for belonging. This is difficult for a generation of Christians who have experienced Church hurt because we want to BELONG without being devoted. We want the benefits of community but we don’t want the commitment it requires to create a community of belonging. Many of us use our Church hurt as an excuse to not commit ourselves to any Church. And we wonder why we lack belonging.
Many pastors began the “Post-Pentecost” sermon series a few weeks ago as we celebrated the birth of the early Christian community in Acts 2.
When Pentecost Day arrived, they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound from heaven like the howling of a fierce wind filled the entire house where they were sitting.3 They saw what seemed to be individual flames of fire alighting on each one of them. 4 They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages as the Spirit enabled them to speak. Acts 2:1-4
After this happens, Peter gets up to explain to the people what happened and how Jesus fulfills all the promises of God.
“Therefore, let all Israel know beyond question that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.” When the crowd heard this, they were deeply troubled. They said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what should we do?” Acts 2:36-37
This question, “What should we do?” is an important question for Christians today, just as it was an important question for the early Christians.
This is a question you have asked. And I have asked. “What should we do?”
Our walk with Jesus must continually lead us to ask this question.
Peter answers this question for the early Christians.
Peter replied, “Change your hearts and lives. Each of you must be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38
Then we see what life was like as the believers were filled with the Spirit continually.
The believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the community, to their shared meals, and to their prayers. A sense of awe came over everyone. God performed many wonders and signs through the apostles. All the believers were united and shared everything. They would sell pieces of property and possessions and distribute the proceeds to everyone who needed them. Acts 2:42-45
To be devoted to someone is to be committed. The word “devoted” is active. It’s being strong in your commitment. Another connotation for the word “devoted” is that of bearing burdens and enduring severe hardship voluntarily.
When you are devoted to someone or something you cannot be moved from it. “Come hell or high water,” my grandmother used to say, you will be there.
This is how the early Christians related to the community. This level of devotion is what led them to sell their possessions, to share with those who had need, and to meet together daily. This devotion is what led Peter to be crucified upside down, tradition tells us. Most of the disciples were martyred. Steven was stoned. The early Christians lost homes, property, jobs, relationships, and social status because of their devotion to the community of believers.
The devotion of the early Christians is more than devotion to the person of Jesus Christ. It is also devotion to the people of Jesus Christ.
What are you devoted to? Who are you devoted to? Is it time for you to begin again when it comes to church? Maybe it is time for you to find a community, devote to it, and create a place of belonging for all whom God would call.
Thanks for this.
I both deeply believe what you say—that commitment/devotion is critical to life in community—and also that it's terribly difficult to sustain in some situations. Five years ago, several of us who had been part of the leadership of a congregation for more than 30 years were told, in the middle of a crisis, that our leadership and even our presence were no longer wanted—that we were seen as part of the problem. Almost no one was available with whom we could have had an honest conversation. And at age 70 (at that time), it was truly difficult to imagine starting over, in a different context, to work to embed ourselves in a new community. We've not at all left Jesus; and we've not given up on God's church; and we're waiting. Is the waiting a cop-out? Could be. But it's not for lack of desire. I frequently wish that our situation could be different.
I was devoted and committed to 2 churches. The first I was on staff and involved in everything. The Sr. Pastor (whom I came faith under) resigned and the new Sr. Pastors first task was to fire me. I was devastated. But I went to another church. Here I realized what all God did in my life and started to gai an understanding of it. Even though the leaders knew my God given miracle in saving my life through a dream to my uncle when I was a baby was true, I was forbidden to speak of it and suffered, verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse because of it. God told me to leave that church. I thankfully did. I next tried another church. I spoke to leaders and again was forbidden to speak of what God did. I did in a Woman's Bible Study and received notice that the Campus Pastor emailed all the leaders that I was not welcome in any of their churches because I did not obey and submit to their rules. Basically I had to choose God, or not. I choose God. I still do not attend a church because I haven't been able to find one where God is, where I would be accepted and welcomed as me, a chid of God whom HE CHOSE to save when I was dying.