Not sure if this is a trigger or not for people. "People in religious trauma live in a survival mode of existence, or they're “in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.” This is exactly why I have so much trouble worshipping anymore, even online. I am so on guard for spiritual abuse I have trouble worshipping. I feel everyone thinks I am so terrible because I don't go to church. But then, again, I have so much God has done in my life I haven't walked away from Him! Drives me crazy that what God has done makes me unwelcome in churches! Then I think of how Jesus was rejected and it makes somewhat more sense!
Google "The Chapel in Akron, Tim Armstrong". I was in the middle of that mess. I was told I would harm the congregation if I spoke of even one miracle (God saved me through a dream where He told my Uncle I was dying as a baby). They forbid me to speak of that and more, but did themselves after removing that God did this in a woman's life. I was ostracized, shamed, rejected and my testimony stolen. I stayed because I felt God had a plan and prayed for years for God to let me leave. Finally He said, "Go". I moved out of state and the next church basically did the same thing. I was forbidden to speak about it, emails were written to all staff saying how difficult I was, etc. All I asked was to praise God during a baptism video and speak of what they admitted was true. I was finally given the ok to speak, but by then I knew the church was so against me and my testimony that I just left. I knew it could not be a praising, joyful occasion and I would not be welcome there before or after I spoke. Meanwhile, God told me to "check their website" and I knew He meant The Chapel. That was the only reason I knew the Sr Pastor and Exec Pastor was being removed from leadership. Is that the validation you were looking for?
Maybe a bit of clarification on my comment would help. I meant validation for you about your experience and trauma. What a painful time you experienced.
I received Words from God and I obeyed Him to the best of my ability. The problem is it doesn't make the experience less painful or stop the panic attacks in trying to find a new church.
TRIGGER WARNING: Twenty-five years ago, at forty-seven years old, I received an angry call from my pastor, a person I considered a close friend. As soon as I answered the phone he began a tirade regarding a comment I had made in a small group session (a staff member had been in attendance and reported the comment to him.) The call shocked me to the point of having chest pains. The next day, at my request, we had lunch to talk through the issue. Later that week, my wife and I invited the pastor and his wife to dinner at which time I washed his feet (and the feet of our wifes). He insisted on washing mine. Although we have had a mostly cordial interactions since then, our relationship never recovered from that one phone call. I left the church after two years.
Until recently I never used the word trauma to what happened to me when I received that call, but it did indeed traumatize me. I have had recurring dreams of being on the receiving end of his anger, and my response upon any encounter with him has been fawning. I have ordered the book and look forward to more insights from you and your readers. Thank you!
Dan, we are fortunate to live in a time when how we are created in the image of God is being recognized and understood. We are blessed. The experience is real. And pain filled. Your story tells that you did all the things we are taught. You have made yourself vulnerable! You might want to consider the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology's Story Workshop. Naming being very specific through writing, speaking it into others ears and hearing what you wrote yourself can help burn of the energy.
TW: I have this book on my list, but haven’t read it yet. Thanks for writing about it. This quote reminded me of what it was like to work under an SBC megachurch celebrity pastor whose tyranny led to belittling, bullying, coercing and intimidating me 1:1 in his office. “It only takes a couple attempts at fighting or fleeing to realize that it's safer to fawn or freeze.” Freezing (dissociating in his office) or fawning (appeasing, submitting, never again questioning) became my trauma responses. I’m still in that embodied healing process, but am so much more healed than before. For those who ask, “Why aren’t you over that yet?” her explanation of how trauma healing takes time is an education we need more of in churches. We need to carry one another’s burdens as many of us heal from religious trauma and high control religious environments.
Lori, I'm sorry to hear of your experience. Mine, though under different circumstances, was largely the same. The church has found herself for too long unable to allow safe spaces for prolonged grief, suffering, and extended grace for longer periods of healing, preferring a quick and miraculous healing instead. Thank you for sharing.
Brian, I am heartbroken you know this church trauma too. The American white evangelical church in particular wants things to happen fast and all wrapped up in a bow. It’s not a safe space for the poor in spirit nor hopeless that Jesus called “blessed.” Thank you for sharing that you went through something similar.
I'm convinced that anthropological docetism—big words for denying the unified nature of human beings, that we are much more than "souls" inhabiting a body; we're a complex combination of body and more than body—is at the heart of much denial of trauma and also of "cheap recovery" from trauma. Our bodies know. Another book I should read! Thanks, Scot. Important work.
This book sounds really good...We have religious trauma in our family, and it’s horrible the way it makes it difficult to find God. I think of Jesus’ statement about millstones around necks, and I am ready for His wise judgment on the people who have perpetrated that trauma, wherever it has been found.
I truly look forward to reading this book because I did not understand for years what was going on. It is extremely important for people who want the goodness of God to understand how their bodies operate. Evil understands, why shouldn't we!
Thanks for writing and reviewing. I recently finished Dr. Anderson's book as well (as part of her launch team) and appreciate your distillation of her work.
As a fellow survivor of spiritual abuse and religious trauma, I largely agree with her research and conclusions, especially the statement "religious trauma is trauma." Everything I've read on the topic concurs. As for the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, the fawn response was a huge help in providing me with vocabulary and understanding of why I was responding the way I was. Especially in church (and church staff) environments when compliance is so highly valued, the fawn response may be much more common than many realize.
Thanks again for your work, and looking forward to the rest of this series!
Not sure if this is a trigger or not for people. "People in religious trauma live in a survival mode of existence, or they're “in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.” This is exactly why I have so much trouble worshipping anymore, even online. I am so on guard for spiritual abuse I have trouble worshipping. I feel everyone thinks I am so terrible because I don't go to church. But then, again, I have so much God has done in my life I haven't walked away from Him! Drives me crazy that what God has done makes me unwelcome in churches! Then I think of how Jesus was rejected and it makes somewhat more sense!
You may get 1000 Amens on this today. You are not alone.
Thank you!
I hope there is some validation of your experience in this writing. Such betrayal when it is a church "family."
Google "The Chapel in Akron, Tim Armstrong". I was in the middle of that mess. I was told I would harm the congregation if I spoke of even one miracle (God saved me through a dream where He told my Uncle I was dying as a baby). They forbid me to speak of that and more, but did themselves after removing that God did this in a woman's life. I was ostracized, shamed, rejected and my testimony stolen. I stayed because I felt God had a plan and prayed for years for God to let me leave. Finally He said, "Go". I moved out of state and the next church basically did the same thing. I was forbidden to speak about it, emails were written to all staff saying how difficult I was, etc. All I asked was to praise God during a baptism video and speak of what they admitted was true. I was finally given the ok to speak, but by then I knew the church was so against me and my testimony that I just left. I knew it could not be a praising, joyful occasion and I would not be welcome there before or after I spoke. Meanwhile, God told me to "check their website" and I knew He meant The Chapel. That was the only reason I knew the Sr Pastor and Exec Pastor was being removed from leadership. Is that the validation you were looking for?
Maybe a bit of clarification on my comment would help. I meant validation for you about your experience and trauma. What a painful time you experienced.
I received Words from God and I obeyed Him to the best of my ability. The problem is it doesn't make the experience less painful or stop the panic attacks in trying to find a new church.
I've often said, "A burn victim doesn't get close to a fire easily." The trauma memory is strong. I wish you well, Connie.
TRIGGER WARNING: Twenty-five years ago, at forty-seven years old, I received an angry call from my pastor, a person I considered a close friend. As soon as I answered the phone he began a tirade regarding a comment I had made in a small group session (a staff member had been in attendance and reported the comment to him.) The call shocked me to the point of having chest pains. The next day, at my request, we had lunch to talk through the issue. Later that week, my wife and I invited the pastor and his wife to dinner at which time I washed his feet (and the feet of our wifes). He insisted on washing mine. Although we have had a mostly cordial interactions since then, our relationship never recovered from that one phone call. I left the church after two years.
Until recently I never used the word trauma to what happened to me when I received that call, but it did indeed traumatize me. I have had recurring dreams of being on the receiving end of his anger, and my response upon any encounter with him has been fawning. I have ordered the book and look forward to more insights from you and your readers. Thank you!
I’m moved to sadness to read your story.
Dan, we are fortunate to live in a time when how we are created in the image of God is being recognized and understood. We are blessed. The experience is real. And pain filled. Your story tells that you did all the things we are taught. You have made yourself vulnerable! You might want to consider the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology's Story Workshop. Naming being very specific through writing, speaking it into others ears and hearing what you wrote yourself can help burn of the energy.
Thank you for your comment and suggestion. I will look into it.
I am so sorry, Dan, for your experience with this pastor. It is not right, and yes it would certainly be traumatic.
TW: I have this book on my list, but haven’t read it yet. Thanks for writing about it. This quote reminded me of what it was like to work under an SBC megachurch celebrity pastor whose tyranny led to belittling, bullying, coercing and intimidating me 1:1 in his office. “It only takes a couple attempts at fighting or fleeing to realize that it's safer to fawn or freeze.” Freezing (dissociating in his office) or fawning (appeasing, submitting, never again questioning) became my trauma responses. I’m still in that embodied healing process, but am so much more healed than before. For those who ask, “Why aren’t you over that yet?” her explanation of how trauma healing takes time is an education we need more of in churches. We need to carry one another’s burdens as many of us heal from religious trauma and high control religious environments.
Over and over we say sorry and we say "so so so true."
Lori, I'm sorry to hear of your experience. Mine, though under different circumstances, was largely the same. The church has found herself for too long unable to allow safe spaces for prolonged grief, suffering, and extended grace for longer periods of healing, preferring a quick and miraculous healing instead. Thank you for sharing.
Brian, I am heartbroken you know this church trauma too. The American white evangelical church in particular wants things to happen fast and all wrapped up in a bow. It’s not a safe space for the poor in spirit nor hopeless that Jesus called “blessed.” Thank you for sharing that you went through something similar.
I'm convinced that anthropological docetism—big words for denying the unified nature of human beings, that we are much more than "souls" inhabiting a body; we're a complex combination of body and more than body—is at the heart of much denial of trauma and also of "cheap recovery" from trauma. Our bodies know. Another book I should read! Thanks, Scot. Important work.
Good expression, Jim.
This book sounds really good...We have religious trauma in our family, and it’s horrible the way it makes it difficult to find God. I think of Jesus’ statement about millstones around necks, and I am ready for His wise judgment on the people who have perpetrated that trauma, wherever it has been found.
I truly look forward to reading this book because I did not understand for years what was going on. It is extremely important for people who want the goodness of God to understand how their bodies operate. Evil understands, why shouldn't we!
Thanks for writing and reviewing. I recently finished Dr. Anderson's book as well (as part of her launch team) and appreciate your distillation of her work.
As a fellow survivor of spiritual abuse and religious trauma, I largely agree with her research and conclusions, especially the statement "religious trauma is trauma." Everything I've read on the topic concurs. As for the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, the fawn response was a huge help in providing me with vocabulary and understanding of why I was responding the way I was. Especially in church (and church staff) environments when compliance is so highly valued, the fawn response may be much more common than many realize.
Thanks again for your work, and looking forward to the rest of this series!
I hope you can comment as we go through the book.
Thank you Scott for sharing this important information. She is totally correct in how the body responds ( nervous system’s) .