Warning: this topic can be traumatizing and re-traumatizing. I will be guarding the Comments today more carefully than normal because of the sensitivity of this topic. And, because I’m not a therapist, a psychologist, or a specialist in the field of trauma, I will be guarding the Comments vigilantly. Be kind. Be sensitive. Be respectful. Don’t go where you are not welcome. If you make a comment about a traumatic experience, please begin with TRIGGER WARNING.
Not sure if this is a trigger or not for people. "People in religious trauma live in a survival mode of existence, or they're “in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.” This is exactly why I have so much trouble worshipping anymore, even online. I am so on guard for spiritual abuse I have trouble worshipping. I feel everyone thinks I am so terrible because I don't go to church. But then, again, I have so much God has done in my life I haven't walked away from Him! Drives me crazy that what God has done makes me unwelcome in churches! Then I think of how Jesus was rejected and it makes somewhat more sense!
TRIGGER WARNING: Twenty-five years ago, at forty-seven years old, I received an angry call from my pastor, a person I considered a close friend. As soon as I answered the phone he began a tirade regarding a comment I had made in a small group session (a staff member had been in attendance and reported the comment to him.) The call shocked me to the point of having chest pains. The next day, at my request, we had lunch to talk through the issue. Later that week, my wife and I invited the pastor and his wife to dinner at which time I washed his feet (and the feet of our wifes). He insisted on washing mine. Although we have had a mostly cordial interactions since then, our relationship never recovered from that one phone call. I left the church after two years.
Until recently I never used the word trauma to what happened to me when I received that call, but it did indeed traumatize me. I have had recurring dreams of being on the receiving end of his anger, and my response upon any encounter with him has been fawning. I have ordered the book and look forward to more insights from you and your readers. Thank you!
TW: I have this book on my list, but haven’t read it yet. Thanks for writing about it. This quote reminded me of what it was like to work under an SBC megachurch celebrity pastor whose tyranny led to belittling, bullying, coercing and intimidating me 1:1 in his office. “It only takes a couple attempts at fighting or fleeing to realize that it's safer to fawn or freeze.” Freezing (dissociating in his office) or fawning (appeasing, submitting, never again questioning) became my trauma responses. I’m still in that embodied healing process, but am so much more healed than before. For those who ask, “Why aren’t you over that yet?” her explanation of how trauma healing takes time is an education we need more of in churches. We need to carry one another’s burdens as many of us heal from religious trauma and high control religious environments.
I'm convinced that anthropological docetism—big words for denying the unified nature of human beings, that we are much more than "souls" inhabiting a body; we're a complex combination of body and more than body—is at the heart of much denial of trauma and also of "cheap recovery" from trauma. Our bodies know. Another book I should read! Thanks, Scot. Important work.
This book sounds really good...We have religious trauma in our family, and it’s horrible the way it makes it difficult to find God. I think of Jesus’ statement about millstones around necks, and I am ready for His wise judgment on the people who have perpetrated that trauma, wherever it has been found.
I truly look forward to reading this book because I did not understand for years what was going on. It is extremely important for people who want the goodness of God to understand how their bodies operate. Evil understands, why shouldn't we!
Thanks for writing and reviewing. I recently finished Dr. Anderson's book as well (as part of her launch team) and appreciate your distillation of her work.
As a fellow survivor of spiritual abuse and religious trauma, I largely agree with her research and conclusions, especially the statement "religious trauma is trauma." Everything I've read on the topic concurs. As for the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, the fawn response was a huge help in providing me with vocabulary and understanding of why I was responding the way I was. Especially in church (and church staff) environments when compliance is so highly valued, the fawn response may be much more common than many realize.
Thanks again for your work, and looking forward to the rest of this series!
Not sure if this is a trigger or not for people. "People in religious trauma live in a survival mode of existence, or they're “in a constant state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.” This is exactly why I have so much trouble worshipping anymore, even online. I am so on guard for spiritual abuse I have trouble worshipping. I feel everyone thinks I am so terrible because I don't go to church. But then, again, I have so much God has done in my life I haven't walked away from Him! Drives me crazy that what God has done makes me unwelcome in churches! Then I think of how Jesus was rejected and it makes somewhat more sense!
TRIGGER WARNING: Twenty-five years ago, at forty-seven years old, I received an angry call from my pastor, a person I considered a close friend. As soon as I answered the phone he began a tirade regarding a comment I had made in a small group session (a staff member had been in attendance and reported the comment to him.) The call shocked me to the point of having chest pains. The next day, at my request, we had lunch to talk through the issue. Later that week, my wife and I invited the pastor and his wife to dinner at which time I washed his feet (and the feet of our wifes). He insisted on washing mine. Although we have had a mostly cordial interactions since then, our relationship never recovered from that one phone call. I left the church after two years.
Until recently I never used the word trauma to what happened to me when I received that call, but it did indeed traumatize me. I have had recurring dreams of being on the receiving end of his anger, and my response upon any encounter with him has been fawning. I have ordered the book and look forward to more insights from you and your readers. Thank you!
TW: I have this book on my list, but haven’t read it yet. Thanks for writing about it. This quote reminded me of what it was like to work under an SBC megachurch celebrity pastor whose tyranny led to belittling, bullying, coercing and intimidating me 1:1 in his office. “It only takes a couple attempts at fighting or fleeing to realize that it's safer to fawn or freeze.” Freezing (dissociating in his office) or fawning (appeasing, submitting, never again questioning) became my trauma responses. I’m still in that embodied healing process, but am so much more healed than before. For those who ask, “Why aren’t you over that yet?” her explanation of how trauma healing takes time is an education we need more of in churches. We need to carry one another’s burdens as many of us heal from religious trauma and high control religious environments.
I'm convinced that anthropological docetism—big words for denying the unified nature of human beings, that we are much more than "souls" inhabiting a body; we're a complex combination of body and more than body—is at the heart of much denial of trauma and also of "cheap recovery" from trauma. Our bodies know. Another book I should read! Thanks, Scot. Important work.
This book sounds really good...We have religious trauma in our family, and it’s horrible the way it makes it difficult to find God. I think of Jesus’ statement about millstones around necks, and I am ready for His wise judgment on the people who have perpetrated that trauma, wherever it has been found.
I truly look forward to reading this book because I did not understand for years what was going on. It is extremely important for people who want the goodness of God to understand how their bodies operate. Evil understands, why shouldn't we!
Thanks for writing and reviewing. I recently finished Dr. Anderson's book as well (as part of her launch team) and appreciate your distillation of her work.
As a fellow survivor of spiritual abuse and religious trauma, I largely agree with her research and conclusions, especially the statement "religious trauma is trauma." Everything I've read on the topic concurs. As for the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, the fawn response was a huge help in providing me with vocabulary and understanding of why I was responding the way I was. Especially in church (and church staff) environments when compliance is so highly valued, the fawn response may be much more common than many realize.
Thanks again for your work, and looking forward to the rest of this series!
Thank you Scott for sharing this important information. She is totally correct in how the body responds ( nervous system’s) .